Emotions aren’t the enemy

Emotions can be normal, needed, and they need to be worked through. When we wallow in them and we stretch them out, they can be deadly.

Sometimes there is a stigma against feeling your emotions, especially as moms. We're just expected to deal with everything.

Sometimes those are expectations and thoughts that come from our culture, and sometimes they are ones that we feel have been pushed on us over the years from other sources as well.

When my kids were younger, I used to deal with feeling angry, resentful, or guilty. It could be the whole gamut—sad, anxious, and sometimes even a little indignant. I felt really bad about myself for feeling all these things.

I thought, “I'm blessed with kids. I'm blessed with a roof over my head. Why do I feel all of these things?”

I thought, “Maybe I just need to read the Bible more. Maybe I just need to meditate more. Maybe I just need to do something else different that won't make me feel like this.”

Turns out that's not the answer.

If you've ever secretly cried in the laundry room, the bathroom, or the car, or felt guilt about feeling anything but being grateful, you're not alone.

Some of us grow up believing that emotions can be dangerous, distracting, or that they're signs of weakness.

So we box them up and shove them into some dark corner to rot. Or so we think.

These unprocessed emotions don’t just disappear. We're putting them in that little corner in the back of your head where you feel like they're going to stay boxed up, but they don't. They're like a Jack in the box because eventually they're going to pop out.

When we push all of these emotions to the side, then we actually start to shut down. We numb out. We disconnect from ourselves.

Emotions are how we react to different situations. It's how we process things.

One of my favorite poems is by a poet named Rumi. If you've not heard of him before, there's lots of interesting things that he has written. This poem that I want to share with you is called The Guest House.

“This being human is a guest house.

Every morning, a new arrival, a joy, a depression, a meanness.

Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all.

Even if there are a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes.

because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”

When we think about letting in all of these emotions—I mean…shame, malice, really? Yes, and yes, because we have to feel through those things. It doesn't mean that we have to act on them, but we can't stuff them down either. They all need to be acknowledged and felt, welcomed into the house before they can be let go. Because if we don't, they'll keep knocking…and knocking…and knocking. They don't go away.

Here’s some Scripture to help support you in those times.

In Psalms 34:18, “the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

God isn't looking down on you for being or feeling broken. He's actually drawing nearer to you in those times.

Even when Jesus was in the garden in Matthew 26:38, it says, “my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” Even He was overwhelmed. Even He was having trouble dealing with all of the emotions He was feeling.

Emotions are normal, they're part of the rhythm of life. Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, “there is a time to weep and a time to laugh.”

It all ebbs and flows. But nowhere in there does it say that if you feel sorrowful to push it away.

Emotions are not the enemy. Our emotions are here to guide us.

Oftentimes it has to do with what we need to deal with. Emotions guide us towards where we need to find healing.

They give us information. They give us direction.

They're messengers. They're not shameful. They're natural and they're normal.

You don't have to obey and wallow in them, but you need to listen to your emotions.

So what about when you feel like you feel too much?

First, let's just stop and name what that feeling is. What is it that you're actually feeling?

Sometimes just purely labeling that emotion can calm your nervous system down.

This is actually a really good skill to teach kids too—to label their emotions.

What are you feeling?

Instead of just them feeling this ball of something, have them put a name on it.

Show them that example. Put a name on it yourself.

And once you do that...

Invite God into it. “God, I feel so angry right now. Please show me what I'm supposed to do with this.”

So let God anchor you, let Him support you, let Him take your burden and help you work through it.

Maybe that's through a prayer. Maybe that's through journaling.

Because when we feel emotions, that's not weakness.

It’s a sign that you're alive, you're aware, and that you are on purpose.

It's all part of how you grow and learn.

Emotions are there to support you and help you along the way.

And then, we apologize for our emotions.

Depending on the situation, if you blow up in anger at somebody, then yes, you owe them an apology.

And when I've been angry with my kids, I've come back and said, “I'm sorry I got so angry.”

But I will also tell them I know why I got angry.

So I'm actually apologizing for my reaction to the emotion instead of apologizing for the fact that the emotion was there.

In order to live this life, we need to feel all the feelings. We need to bring our whole heart, our whole soul into play. That includes your feelings and your emotions.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, remember they're all natural, they're all normal. They're not the enemy. They're trying to tell you something. They're trying to help you work through something, to help you learn, to help you grow.

I know, because sometimes I struggle as well.

We need to remember that all of this is just part of growing and learning and living life to the fullest.

My challenge for you today is that when you do feel caught and wrapped up in emotion, that you name the feeling and then you ask God to show you what to do with it.

See how that helps you to process.