Parenting from Overflow

Let’s focus on how we can parent from a place of overflow. It's one of these things that I think that we really struggle with as moms. We tend to run on empty.

This really became apparent, at least to me, when I was having a disagreement with one of my sons.

It was one of these scenarios where I was definitely in the right and he was definitely in the wrong. But it was a scenario that spiraled out of control so fast, that by the time all was said and done, it was horrible. And I couldn't believe that it was me who said things that I wasn't proud of.

I knew in the moment that I was so angry and I was so upset, I could literally feel my body shaking. I could feel my heart rate going up. I could feel the sweat coming on. I knew in my head there was an alarm that went off that said, “Hey, Stace, calm it down.” And I chose not to listen to it.

It just got worse and worse from there.

Long story short…I was just at my wits end. There were just so many things going on. And then that whole interaction with my son, it just sent me spiraling out of control.

It had nothing to do with how much I love my kids because I love my kids so much, it's crazy. I know you feel that way about your kids, too. But you may also be nodding your head because you may have come across a scenario similar to what I'm telling you in your own life.

Then we hit this point where we just have nothing left to give. And that, my friend, is what we're going to talk about today.

Let’s start with just looking at what it means to parent from overflow.

In its most general terms, overflow is when we're parenting from a place of abundance. Spiritually, emotionally, physically abundant; all the stars are in alignment and we just feel fabulous.

Well, maybe not fabulous, but at least it feels easy. It feels more effortless. It's when we actually do take the breath before we speak, when we have that ability to stop and think through what we're about to do or say.

Sometimes it’s just having the energy to get up and go do whatever it is your kid's asking you to do. Hey, come play with me. Hey, can you look at this drawing that I just did? And instead of thinking…I don't feel like moving right now…you'll actually feel the energy in that moment in order to get up and go participate in life.

When we're in this overflow state, we're generally pretty happy people—feeling pretty at peace with ourselves and with life. It's a pretty good place to be. It's a place that we do end up in periodically, but probably not as much as we want to. Instead, we tend to live is in this cycle of emptiness.

Emptiness is living in guilt, survival mode, and feeling like we are supposed to do all of the things. And if we don't do all the things, what are other people going to think? Or I'm not a good mom unless I do…{blank}.

Chances are there's about five different things that immediately popped into your head that could fill in that sentence.

It's in that state where everything that we do feels like work…it's a stretch, a strain, and it just is life-sucking to do some of these things.

My guess is that sometime a while back, somebody came up with that “you can't pour from an empty cup” quote, which I know we've all heard in some capacity. And you probably want to smack that person upside the head when they say it because we've heard it so many times we're just tired of it.

But we want to do that because we know it's true. Deep down, we know that is true. And that trying to give from a place of emptiness in our life is not gonna work.

So how do we make the transition? How do we make that shift?

Let's start first with a little bit of scripture to back ourselves up.

One of the scriptures that even if you are not into the Bible, you have probably heard these thrown out in some capacity. The first is Matthew 11:28 that says, “come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest.”

You're allowed to rest.

It's almost as if it's a command. It's definitely not something that is a reward. It doesn't say in there that if you give me your burdens and then you do this and then you do that, then you're allowed to rest. All it says is that we just need to give up the burdens, give up the emptiness, give up the guilt.

Here is a good reminder that we are part of an overflowing fount of love and abundance. In John 15:5 says, “I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart for me, you can do nothing.”

So coming back to God as our refreshing point, coming back to Jesus and the fount of all goodness.

There's always abundance there. If you're looking for it, if you're looking for an example of it, it's always there.

So how do we take this scripture, how do we take this desire to move from emptiness to overflow? How do we do that?

Let's just start with starting your day a little bit better. Instead of waking up and the first thing you do is check the to-do list on your phone and jump right into action mode, I want you to take a few minutes instead and start with something for you.

It could be a breath prayer.

Maybe that prayer might be, Lord, fill me with your peace today.

As you say it, don't just rattle the words off, but draw in a deep breath. Say the prayer, breathe out…and then maybe a couple extra breaths just to anchor in that piece.

Or maybe you're like me and you have a thing for coffee first thing in the morning. You can sit with your cup of coffee, maybe a few minutes before the kids get out of bed and read just one verse, one scripture.

Start with just one verse. If you can't quite find a place to find one, for me, I use the Bible app called YouVersion and every day it has a new verse on there. That is my short and sweet way of connecting and being able to start my day from a better place.

Here are some other things you could do just to take a couple of minutes for yourself. You could have a short breathwork practice or even just move your body a little bit. Just a little quick little jog in place, shake it all out, a couple of stretches, whatever it is that works for you. Sometimes that is enough to get you going.

Then before you jump into your day, you can always ask yourself, what does my soul need today before I serve others?

That way we take the focus back to ourselves and how can we replenish ourselves.

Throughout the day, we have to check in with ourselves because, let's face it, life gets crazy and we can get caught up in everything that's going on. Then we've totally lost track and now we're overwhelmed and that little breath prayer in the morning just feels like ages away from we first said it.

But start to make it part of your practice either at your meal times, right before you go to bed, or maybe right before you get out of the car when you get home from work. Check in with your mind and your body and your spirit.

Just quick ask yourself for your spirit, have I connected to God today?

If you're checking in with your mind, what thought is driving your action right now? Particularly if you're in the middle of something that's starting to overwhelm you. What thought is driving that right now? Are you seeking to please others? Are you seeking to please yourself? Are you just going through the motions?

Then check in with your physical body. Are you nourished? Are you rested? Are you regulated?

If your body is not being taken care of, it won't take very good care of you. So we do have to go back to the basics there. Did I eat lunch today? When was the last time I got to go to the bathroom? Did you drink some water today? Make sure you're taking care of yourself. Don't keep putting things off.

Check in with yourself, pick a time, set a timer on your phone, whatever works for you. See how you can reconnect with yourself and reconnect with these three different areas.

Then, especially if you are in a situation where you're feeling super overwhelmed, it gives you that opportunity to take a step back. If in the moment you just really don't have the capacity to do it, maybe later on that night before you go to bed, then you can kind of think back on whatever that scenario was and reevaluate it.

Set a reminder on your phone and change where it says “alarm” to “am I giving from overflow or obligation right now?” It's a good way to kind of make you stop and take 10 seconds to reevaluate where you are and what's going on.

I just want to remind you that throughout all of this, you don't need to earn the right to rest. Remember, it's a command to rest. It's not a reward. You were created to live in abundance.

All of those things like guilt and shame have us feeling like we have to live up to these expectations. They don't have a place but they do creep in.

There has to be a continual reminder that you are supposed to rest, that you're allowed to rest. And from resting is where you can start to live more in that overflow.

You definitely will serve your family best when you're parenting from that place of overflow, not from that place of emptiness.