Proverbs 31 for the modern mom

I feel like every time I think about Proverbs 31 or I hear somebody talk about it, it's a stressful thing. There's a lot that is in there that will make us feel more stressed out. When we're supposed to be finding peace and solace in the Bible, Proverbs 31 lays out a pretty thick layer of high expectations. How can I possibly live up to that? We're already overwhelmed to death already. This is such an interesting list of things that sound great, but seem impossible.

When you read Proverbs 31, we remember that this is a conversation between a mother and a son—a son who is a king. She's just a mother trying to provide him guidance on how to rule and be a good king, as well as how to determine a good woman instead of one who might be just looking to use her son for her own gains.

It’s a mother to son conversation. For us, it’s mother to mother. And no one knows a mother like a mother.

The expectations. The chores. The overwhelm. The joy. The fulfillment.

This mother who is speaking is not perfect, nor does she expect the same of any other woman.

None of us are perfect. We tend to forget this. Imperfection is part of the human experience. So checking all of these boxes is not going to happen and it's not expected either.

We also forget that Proverbs 31 is not a checklist, but more of a vision and a blessing—an outline of a woman of God's character.

When we look at these verses, we should really look at the root behind them. What is the value behind what these verses are putting out there?

When we look at verses 11 and 12, “her husband can trust her and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

It has to do with your partnership with your husband. If you have a trusting relationship with your husband, then you are enriching his life just by being trustworthy. In so doing, you will bring him good. That fuels the relationship. We do what is good for them.

Your loyalty and faithfulness to your husband, your work on your relationship with your husband—it creates safety at home. It creates strength at home. Your children will see that. It all matters.

Having a strong relationship with your husband will help to set that example. If you're a single parent, maybe you have another figure in your life that is strong for your children. Maintaining those good relationships sets the same kind of example. It doesn't have to be a husband. It can be a good friend. It can be another relative or part of your family.

Modeling these good relationships for our children will teach them how important it is to find good people in your life.

In verses 13 through 15, “she finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She's like a merchant ship bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn and prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls.”

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm not sitting around spinning wool and flax. And if you do, more power to you. I might be up before dawn, but usually it's because my brain seems to wake me up at that early crazy hour. I don't have servant girls either. So if you have servant girls, again, more power to you.

What is this really looking at? It's looking at being diligent. Diligence is not spinning wool and flax and letting the servant girls know what to do today.

For us, it's about doing what needs to be done.

But it's not about being supermom either. It's about how we show up—with love and wisdom.

We can still show love for those around us and not get up at four in the morning to do all these things. It's not necessary to get up in the middle of the night.

Even if you’re not getting up early in the morning, you are still doing things that are unseen.

There are so many things that you do in the background that nobody sees and nobody recognizes. Nobody sees what you're doing all the time. But your unseen effort still counts. It is still recognized. Whether or not anybody says anything is a different story.

In verse 17, “she's energetic and strong, a hard worker.” Wow, this is a category we excel in, isn't it? We are definitely out there working hard and being energetic or as energetic as life will let us be.

We can do this all day. We can do, do, do, do, check stuff off the list, right?

We forget that the energy and strength that they're talking about here—it's not just physical. It's spiritual, emotional, and mental. And we get tired, don't we? I know I do. It is in my nature to run, run, run all day long. I have a hard time taking a break.

Sometimes when we wear ourselves out.

We need to lean in and take advantage of that piece of us that makes us strong, which is to lean in on our faith, to lean into God, our friends, and our support system.

So yes, we work hard. We do this one. This is a big check off the checklist. We also need to remember that, again, we're not Supermom, and sometimes we need help. We need to lean in in order to make all these things happen.

In verse 20, “she extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.”

What is this really talking about here? It's all about generosity. Now you may be out there at the soup kitchen, dishing out food and that is fabulous. Or you might be going onto the street corners and handing out clothes and shoes.

We forget that generosity isn't just financial. For us, being generous can also look like being available to your kids when they're struggling. It can be supporting your friends, your children, your husband.

It's leaning into supporting those who are struggling. They don't have to be poor and standing on a street corner. It could be anybody who's really struggling with life.

We're pretty good at this one, too, though we tend to overdo it sometimes. Our heart is pure on this. We're being generous because we want to be, because we want to help, because we want to soothe, because we want to support.

It's all about being generous and providing that example. This is something we already do, just like working hard. We provide this example without any trouble at all.

Every small act of kindness is kingdom work.

It doesn't have to be something huge. It could be a text. Just check it in. “Hey, I remember you were having a rough time last week. Hope it's going better this week.”

That could really be all that's needed. We don't have to go out and do these glamorous things. Sometimes the little things mean more.

When we look at verse 25, “she's clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.”

So, she's strong.

And she can laugh at the days to come because she's confident in herself and she's confident in the path that she's on.

She doesn't need to control everything. She trusts in God to face the future with peace. This one's hard. Having the strength is the easy part. The trusting in God's plan part, sometimes we like to take the wheel and steer in a different direction. If we surrender that control to God, then we are showing strength. We're showing security. And we're showing faith.

The last verses that I want to discuss here are 28 to 29. “Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her. There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all.”

In the New International Version, this is also said as, “Her children arise and call her blessed.”

Now I don't know about you, but my kids aren't standing around giving me a standing ovation every time I make dinner, buy them a new shirt, or help them with their homework.

This isn't something that you're going to see or hear every day. It's actually not something you can even put on the checklist because this is outside of your control.

But.

Every day, you're showing and creating that example. You're creating the legacy. Your children are seeing that. Your husband is seeing that. It loops back to the very beginning of this post where even though you may not feel like things are seen, they're being seen in some way.

I've heard it said (even though I'm not at this point in life) that your adult children will see and recognize all the things that you did when they were growing up.

You have to trust that all of these things that you're doing are being noticed and then it matters and then it makes a difference, even if you're not getting that standing ovation.

We're looking at strong relationships and we're looking at the little things that matter.

We're looking at leaning into strength, generosity, and faith. That's Proverbs 31.

What Proverbs 31 does NOT say…

It does not say that she did everything in a day.

It does not say that she never rested or never needed help.

And it does not say that she's perfect.

It IS about a woman who lives with intention, faith, and grace. These are all things that we're already doing.

I know you are.

So my challenge today for you is to...

Recalibrate how you're thinking about Proverbs 31. Don't look at it as a checklist.

Look at the traits instead, then look and see in your own life how you're living out just one of these. My guess is you're doing all of them. It really helps when we pull out one concrete thing to validate ourselves, especially on days when you're feeling like a failure…because we have those days. And we're not failing. We're learning. We're living. We're growing.

Proverbs 31 isn't pressure.

It's promise that all of these things that you're doing—your children and your husband will see and you will see how that will blossom when they grow up.